Humility

Humility is a trait and practice that I think many can benefit from and are unaware of. The word has often been misconstrued as selling oneself short in my experience.

Personally, its practice has served as a more effective and sensible method to overcome issues in self-esteem, comparison, and envy than self-love, which to me is reminiscent of toxic positivity.

Wikipedia excerpts and its sources

Outside of a religious context, humility is defined as being “unselved”, a liberation from consciousness of self, a form of temperance that is neither having pride (or haughtiness) nor indulging in self-deprecation. (Peterson; Worthington 157)

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental disorder characterized by a life-long pattern of exaggerated feelings of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a diminished ability to empathize with others’ feelings, and interpersonally exploitative behavior. (Caligor et al.; APA)

Based on this, it appears to me that characteristics of NPD are similar with those who struggle with self-esteem.

Similar to the definition of NPD in the DSM-IV, Grandiose narcissism is defined by an inflated sense of self-worth and high self-esteem, interpersonal exploitativeness, social dominance and assertiveness, shamelessness and a sense of entitlement derived from feelings of superiority or prestige.

The counterpart to grandiose narcissism is vulnerable narcissism, characterized by the personality traits of defensiveness, fragility, social withdrawal, and sensitivity to criticism. (Miller et al.; Caligor et al.)

Whereas narcissism is popularly known as its subset “grandiose narcissism,” the latter “vulnerable narcissism” is often misconstrued as “humility” in my experience.

Humility may be misappropriated as ability to suffer humiliation through self-denouncements which in itself remains focused on self rather than low self-focus. (Schwarzer; Greenberg et al.)

Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call “humble” nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all. (Lewis)

Eventually, humility leads me to self-indifference.

Self-indifference is the relief of realizing that you are simply not that big a deal. (Dahl)*

This has been a result that garnered me the most peace with myself than self-love, which often led me to fail in seeing myself in an unrealistically high regard.

Works cited by Wikipedia

Caligor, Eve; Levy, Kenneth N.; Yeomans, Frank E. (May 2015). “Narcissistic personality disorder: diagnostic and clinical challenges”. The American Journal of Psychiatry. 172 (5): 415–22. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723. ISSN 1535-7228. PMID 25930131.

C.S. Lewis (6 February 2001). Mere Christianity. ISBN 978-0-06-065292-0.

*Dahl, Melissa. Cringeworthy

Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders : DSM-5 (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association. 2013. pp. 72–669. ISBN 978-0890425541. OCLC 830807378.

Everett L. Worthington Jr. (2007). Handbook of Forgiveness. Routledge. p. 157. ISBN 978-1-135-41095-7.

Jeff Greenberg; Sander L. Koole; Tom Pyszczynski (2013). Handbook of Experimental Existential Psychology. Guilford Publications. p. 162. ISBN 978-1-4625-1479-3.

Miller, Joshua D.; Hoffman, Brian J.; Gaughan, Eric T.; Gentile, Brittany; Maples, Jessica; Keith Campbell, W. (2011). “Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissism: A Nomological Network Analysis: Variants of Narcissism”. Journal of Personality. New York City: Wiley. 79 (5): 1013–1042. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.2010.00711.x. PMID 21204843.

Peterson, Christopher (2004). Character strengths and virtues a handbook and classification. Washington, DC New York: American Psychological Association Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0-19-516701-6.

Schwarzer, Ralf (2012). Personality, human development, and culture: international perspectives on psychological science. Hove: Psychology. pp. 127–129. ISBN 978-0-415-65080-9.

*Dahl’s “self-indifference” is not in Wikipedia’s humility page