Themes
Control
Control over processes
Baxter: I confess, you could call me controlling, at times. Not with people, but with processes.
Control over the outcome of relationships
As pointed out by minthe-drawings on Tumblr, Baxter self-sabotages to feel like he can predict the outcome of his relationships, creating an illusion of control.
Baxter: You made me feel wanted. And… important. It was exciting and amazing, and felt impossible it could last. The shine would wear off eventually, as always. I didn’t want to see it happen.
Boundaries
Baxter’s fixation with boundaries is his main defense mechanism that causes virtually all the conflicts in his life. He seems to compartmentalize all aspects of his life into boxes that he strictly keeps separate. Blurring lines, merging, combining, or otherwise destroying these strict boundaries causes him extreme anxiety due to a loss of perceived control. Things are “messier” when he isn’t able to separate things in his life into boxes he keeps away from each other, which are easier for him to predict and control.
Parents
Baxter: They understand care through the lens of control and protection. That’s been their way ever since I was young. In that sense, they treat me no different from a child.
Cycles
That truly was the core of it. Baxter couldn’t let himself be happy no matter what. He was scared to hope and too ashamed of himself to try.
abandonment issues are sooooo funny. “i’m scared people will leave me so i push them away and leave them first to avoid being hurt” girl the prophecy is self fulfilling!!! the sabotage is coming from within!!! you forgot about the cycle!!!!!!!!!
Death/rebirth/life, destruction/creation, and longevity/immortality
Baxter has many symbols associated with death/rebirth/life and destruction/creation: air, fire, butterfly, black and white, brown, grey as in ashes, orange as in fire, fall-winter-spring, flowers, nighttime, dusk, and even alcohol.
big fan of characters who are always leaving. who constantly have a suitcase in their hand. characters who start planning their exit the moment they arrive and get nervous when the people in their lives start to Know them.
– mobydyke
big fan of characters who have always expected to leave, that have built all their relationships based on the idea they were going to leave, but before they could someone talked their way into knowing them and now they’re torn between the only deeper relationship they’ve ever really had and the itching under their skin to run, run far away and don’t look back.
Longevity/immortality
Baxter’s whole cycle is due to fear of the death of relationships, always destroying before it decays before him helpless. In a sense he’s concerned with the longevity and immortality of relationships (due to his perceived failure of making it work or being worth the other’s while). Peaches and evergreen trees are associated with immortality.
Masking
Protagonist: Are you saying you’ve never pretended to be something you’re not?
Baxter rocked idly back on his stool, giving the appearance of thought, but maybe merely acting mysterious. One hand stirred his drink.
Baxter: No comment.
Baxter: In short, what I’m saying is that I’m a fraud in all regards. You can’t take any of it seriously, including what color my hair is.
Yapping
Baxter often talks in circles, “dancing around the heart of the matter” to avoid saying the things he’s too afraid to say. He’s adept at using small talk to hide from addressing the things he doesn’t want addressed.
Endless small talk was a talent of his. Not surprising considering Baxter’s chosen career. Things were in motion, but it was as if you weren’t going anywhere…
Pride
big fan of characters who feel they are resigned to a fate from the beginning and have developed a stubbornness which causes them to reject any opportunities given to them to change and lead a happier life.
– oasis-j
Hope
He was scared to hope and too ashamed of himself to try.
Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. Makes you selfish. Makes you creepy. It makes you obsessed with your hair. Makes you cruel. Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do.
It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there. So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.
I was taught if we’re born with love, then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot. It ‘feeling right’. ‘When it feels right, it’s easy.’ But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right.
And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is… When you find somebody that you love… it feels like hope.
– Fleabag